Gone

And just like that...my mom is gone. My mom passed away suddenly on June 20th 2023. There was no goodbye. She left this world alone. No one she loved by her side. No one to hold her hand when she took her last breath. No one to wipe her tears. No I love you's. Nothing. Just gone. These thoughts haunt me and probably always will.

I now walk through a new version of life. A life without my mom. At times my heart feels broken, at times there is a constant ache like my heart is falling apart inside of me almost as if it's dying, forgetting to take a breath. I guess they call that heartache. Life looks different. Life feels different. There is a darkness now where the light can't seem to reach. The light is out.

I don't know what my intentions are for this blog. I only know when my mom left this world, she left behind a whole lot of love. This love feels different than before. This love sometimes feels like it's suffocating my heart and I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to misplace it. I don't want to NOT feel it so I am creating this blog. I will store it here with no intentions just pure love.

Kessy (my mama) found her truths through the music she played, the prayers she prayed, the books she read, the affirmations she spoke, the movies and tv shows she watched, the religions she explored. She was an open vessel to the universe, a force of nature who left her imprint on so many hearts. I hope you will feel her love - through the sentiments of love - that I will share in this blog.

What If?

Lately when I hear something that makes me wonder, I try and pause so I can absorb it. This thought made me smile. I didn't want to overthink it because the idea of it is very sweet. What if things were that simple...God created us because he just wanted someone to love.

Unraveling

A spool of thread unraveling, tethered string hanging unhinged from its home this is what it feels like to be alone. Groundless, my feet are raised, suspended in space, light seeping below me – I see it – I can feel it’s warmth, I will return to it, but not yet. I am not ready to let go of my suspended string. I float around in the universe, the light of the earth illuminates behind me, I hear you whisper, go home, but I don't want to. I want to drift, drift into this new space we share for maybe I'll find you there, but if I do - if I get too close to your light - hold my hand tight. Cut my string. Watch me and I'll watch you as we drift back...back to our homes.